grain free – praying it works for me…

I haven’t written much lately because frankly, I have been frustrated and mad. While some may think that fuels their writing, I didn’t want to spew my ugly insides all over my readers. Over the past couple of years I have been constantly amazed by the sweet comments and the open sharing. People contact me on facebook, stop me at church, and a few brave souls even comment here on my blog. They say that I encourage them, that I have touched them, challenged them… I want to be able to do that again. Greg encouraged me to go ahead and write about the ugly place I find myself currently. So here goes…

The fat to fit journey has been longer and more frustrating than I ever imagined. After 2 years of working out, most of which with a personal trainer, and eating healthy; I find myself weighing the same as I did when I started. I never ever would have dreamed I would be writing those words. How can it be? Didn’t I write this same blog last year? Well, my body is in full blown rebellion. Greg and I have been doing the Body For Life challenge for 7 weeks now. 6 small meals a day, 3 days of cardio and 3 days of lifting… and here I sit still fat, still exhausted, and looking for an answer.

I hope we found an answer this past Wednesday. I am so thankful for a great doctor who keeps searching. While my thyroid levels are good, I seem to have developed insulin resistance somewhere along the way. I go back on Monday to set up a week of monitoring my metabolism. I will be wearing Sensewear, a computer monitoring system that will show exactly how many calories I am burning. (kinda like Biggest Loser). I have started a new medicine and I am having great difficulty adjusting. It causes headaches and stomach cramps… these will diminish once my body adjusts. I am also going grain free. My doctor looked at me and said, “I hate to tell you this, but gluten free isn’t good enough.” With all that is going on in my body, she doesn’t feel I will ever be able to lose weight as long as I am eating grains.

Well, while this isn’t good news, it is news and for that I am thankful. I was beginning to wonder if maybe my weight was my “thorn in the flesh”. I do know that if I weren’t working out and eating healthy, I would be as big as a barn and miserable. My exercise habits have enabled me to maintain and not gain. I am thankful. Thankful first and foremost to a God who doesn’t reject me when my thoughts are ugly. Thankful beyond words for a husband whose love and support never wavers. Thankful for my trainer, Mandy who taught me that I can workout. Thankful for family and friends who encouraged me and tell me I’m beautiful and valuable no matter what my size. Lastly, I am thankful for the chance to refocus on what really matters. While I imagine skinny jeans may be fun to wear, what I really want is a healthy body that can fully enjoy this life I have been so richly blessed with.

Here I go… look for grain free recipes and hints soon!

Grain free Pinterest board

if you fail to plan, you plan to fail; a diet and fitness tale

Last week I “flew by the seat of my pants”, cooked everyday, and shopped 2 or 3 times. It was crazy and it wasn’t very successful. This week WILL BE different. Why can’t I seem to remember that even though it’s a lot of work up front, it is so worth the benefits of being prepared. When the chicken is grilled ahead of time and the veggies are washed and cut; when the freezer is full of goodies, it is so much easier to stay on track with my eating. I tried new recipes today and they were both huge hits! I refuse to buy packaged protein bars that are full of junk like Splenda. I cannot believe most “health” foods are full of chemicals; drives me crazy! So here are 2 new “go to” recipes that are full of good things!
Homemade Protein Bars

and
Baked Oatmeal

I love days like today…

Days that are overcast and you leave the kitchen window open to hear the birds chirp

Days where your trainer hands you 12# weights and you say, “these are easy” She says, “well then try the 20#” As I reached the 8th rep, my arms were shaking, but my confidence was soaring…

Days where you have a list and you actually check things off

Days where your son drives home from Dallas

Days where you get to the grocery store right after they put stuff on clearance; and right before the after work rush

Days where your husband tweets your picture with the caption “My beautiful wife”

Yes, this is a very good day. Thanks God, I really needed it after last week.

Streamline…

I mentioned yesterday that my word of the year was STREAMLINE. I am purging my life of the things that are cumbersome; I am streamlining my routines so I can experience maximum RESULTS. You may already know about my hair and the trouble it is causing me. How does long hair that takes 2 days to fix fit into my STREAMLINED lifestyle? It doesn’t! I can already hear my mom cheering 100 miles away, “She is going to cut her hair!” Yes, folks you heard it here first, I am making an appointment first thing in the morning. So, I haven’t lost 50 pounds yet, but having this hair doesn’t sit well with working out 6 days a week. I refuse to let my stubborn pride hold me back. STREAMLINE project #1: STREAMLINE my morning routine by cutting my hair! I am open to suggestions. I am thinking something spunky…

fat to fit detour #?

I missed my Tuesday morning workout with my trainer. Something about being in ER until 3am with intense pain from the boulder size kidney stone lodged in my body made me not head out to the gym at 7. The plan of action is to blast it into smaller (passable) kidney stone fragments; sound fun? As I wait for the day of the procedure to arrive, I spend my days trying to balance pain and pain reliever induced fatigue. I don’t want to take so much medicine that all I do is sleep, but neither do I want to let the pain get out of control. It is catch 22. I haven’t made it into the gym this week, but in a fit of pure determination I seized a brief moment of perfect pain / drug balance and did a 20 minute cardio workout. I’m sure I didn’t accomplish much in the way of burning fat or building muscle; but it sure did a lot for my spirit. I cannot let this detour cause me to lose focus. I was just getting back into things after my knee surgery 3 months ago. I tell myself once again, it is the journey not the destination. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I didn’t become fat and unhealthy overnight and I won’t become fit and healthy that way either. So, say a prayer for me. The procedure is supposed to be fairly quick and have a fast recovery, I pray that is true.

how can I keep silent?

Most of the responses to my blog come in the form of emails or private messages on facebook. I am blown away by how people relate to my struggles and are encouraged. When I read words like I received this morning in response to “The Long and Winding Road” I am the one who is encouraged…

“Does He still love me and accept me. (of course He does, but internal dialoge can be brutal) But, over and over you and your words would just pop to rememberance like a life line about God’s grace. I’m serious…God was using you, girl, to be a blessing to others in the midst of your own struggles. Grace. sometimes I could “feel” that word push through all the static and I would force myself to just concentrate on it and what it means and not let any other voice steal it away. Why do we like to beat ourselves up so much? lol, of course it would take God allowing me to be stuck in the hospital to get my attention…but, I heard and I’m listening, medically speaking I have no choice now. Trying to get off as many meds as I can. I’m so very happy for you that things are working out better. May God’s grace continue to abound in your life and bless you with good health! Love you, girlfriend.”

Wow, God is a God of grace…

2 steps forward, one step back…

If you read my blog, you know I have been on a fat to fit journey for over a year now. You also know that about 6 months ago I started gaining weight even though I was still working out and eating right. They diagnosed thyroid issues, prescribed meds and the waiting began. 4 months into medicine therapy I do feel a little better, and 2 weeks ago I lost 3.8 pounds! I was thrilled, I was hopeful, I was wrong… This week I gained 2 pounds.

Yes, I know I was on vacation, but I also know that I worked out every day except one (Sunday). I guess the good news is I didn’t gain 3.8 pounds, or 8.3 pounds, or worse 38 pounds! HA! It’s a journey, and while I’ll never win a swimsuit competition, I will win a healthier life; isn’t that what matters.

If you are on a fat to fit journey along with me, don’t give up! We can do this; one step, one workout, one pound at a time!

God works in strange ways… my fat to fit journey continues

God truly used this show to change my life.

Now I know some will say that is a little dramatic, but it is true on so many levels. I thought of it again today as I left the gym. I was walking to my car and I thought, “The Biggest Loser has made it OK to be a fat person in workout clothes”. Crazy logic, but hey, its the way my brain works! Before I started watching the show, I might have wanted to go to the gym, but I was too embarrassed to even try. Now we know that fat people can exercise, we can lose weight and build muscle. No, I will never look good exercising, or look good in cute workout clothes, but that’s OK! I would rather be a fat person who is at the gym working out, than a fat person sitting on my sofa watching life go by. My fat to fit journey has been full of ups and downs, and stand stills too, but I am learning more about myself and more about God’s grace at every turn.

So think what you want about reality TV, this show has been a constant source of motivation and inspiration to me. I have had people say that the show was disgusting. They thought it was sick to see fat people struggle like that. I tend to believe that attitude has kept so many people at home instead of out where we belong living life and taking steps towards health. Somehow the layers of fat seem to hold us in bondage. Fear of rejection and shame hold us back. For me, The Biggest Loser has helped to break those chains of bondage, get it all out in the open so to speak. So here I am in my workout clothes, out in the open, living my life, losing weight, learning to love me. Come along with me, share your story, let go of your fears, find freedom and start to live the life you were meant to live!