I haven’t written much lately because frankly, I have been frustrated and mad. While some may think that fuels their writing, I didn’t want to spew my ugly insides all over my readers. Over the past couple of years I have been constantly amazed by the sweet comments and the open sharing. People contact me on facebook, stop me at church, and a few brave souls even comment here on my blog. They say that I encourage them, that I have touched them, challenged them… I want to be able to do that again. Greg encouraged me to go ahead and write about the ugly place I find myself currently. So here goes…
The fat to fit journey has been longer and more frustrating than I ever imagined. After 2 years of working out, most of which with a personal trainer, and eating healthy; I find myself weighing the same as I did when I started. I never ever would have dreamed I would be writing those words. How can it be? Didn’t I write this same blog last year? Well, my body is in full blown rebellion. Greg and I have been doing the Body For Life challenge for 7 weeks now. 6 small meals a day, 3 days of cardio and 3 days of lifting… and here I sit still fat, still exhausted, and looking for an answer.
I hope we found an answer this past Wednesday. I am so thankful for a great doctor who keeps searching. While my thyroid levels are good, I seem to have developed insulin resistance somewhere along the way. I go back on Monday to set up a week of monitoring my metabolism. I will be wearing Sensewear, a computer monitoring system that will show exactly how many calories I am burning. (kinda like Biggest Loser). I have started a new medicine and I am having great difficulty adjusting. It causes headaches and stomach cramps… these will diminish once my body adjusts. I am also going grain free. My doctor looked at me and said, “I hate to tell you this, but gluten free isn’t good enough.” With all that is going on in my body, she doesn’t feel I will ever be able to lose weight as long as I am eating grains.
Well, while this isn’t good news, it is news and for that I am thankful. I was beginning to wonder if maybe my weight was my “thorn in the flesh”. I do know that if I weren’t working out and eating healthy, I would be as big as a barn and miserable. My exercise habits have enabled me to maintain and not gain. I am thankful. Thankful first and foremost to a God who doesn’t reject me when my thoughts are ugly. Thankful beyond words for a husband whose love and support never wavers. Thankful for my trainer, Mandy who taught me that I can workout. Thankful for family and friends who encouraged me and tell me I’m beautiful and valuable no matter what my size. Lastly, I am thankful for the chance to refocus on what really matters. While I imagine skinny jeans may be fun to wear, what I really want is a healthy body that can fully enjoy this life I have been so richly blessed with.
Here I go… look for grain free recipes and hints soon!