I could start this blog post by saying that I never wear a hat, but since I wore one today that wouldn’t be accurate. What I can say is that hats aren’t a regular part of my wardrobe. I like hats. My husband wears hats, my kids wear hats, I however, only wear hats on special occasions. Today was one of those occasions. I leave my house with my hat on and go about my day. Then it happened. I find myself in a gathering of parents and kids. There is to be an opening prayer before the activities begin. The man in charge says to me that he is going to ask me to remove my hat. I smile and stand there with my hat on my head. He then addresses me by name and asks me to remove my hat for prayer, I chuckle and respond, “I’m a woman, I don’t have to.” Now, even as I type this I see how non-submissive that sounds. You must understand, I was sure he was joking. Apparently he wasn’t. As all eyes focused on me and waited for me to remove my hat, I felt the tears well up in my eyes… I did the only thing I knew to do. I excused myself and stepped outside. It would have caused a scene for me to pull off my hat and stand there blubbering like a baby while the group said a simple prayer.
In all my 25 years of being a pastor’s wife I haven’t ever heard of a woman being asked to remove her hat. Obviously this is something this particular person believes in and that is fine with me. I just felt blind sided with emotion and was instantly humiliated… the kids even started chanting, “take off your hat” over and over. I’ll spare you the details of the conversation that followed. I do want to make it abundantly clear that I hold no ill feelings towards this person. They were not intending to cause me angst, they just didn’t understand all of the emotion behind me wearing a hat. I’ll let you in on my train of thought…
I wore a hat today because after my workout I didn’t have time to wash my hair. I didn’t have time to wash my hair because my oldest son was trying to get his stuff together to make a trip to Tulsa and I needed to help him. My oldest son was going to Tulsa to turn in an application for an internship at Church On The Move for next year. He plans to do an internship next year because he is a SENIOR in high school and will be moving to Tulsa in August.
I am losing my baby… that’s why I have on this hat!
I wore a hat today because I didn’t have time after my workout to wash my hair. Oh, I had plenty of time to wash it, but not enough time to dry it and fix it. I didn’t have time to dry it and fix it because it is half way down my back and it takes half a day to dry. My hair is half way down my back because I made a stupid deal with myself that I won’t cut my hair until I lose 50 pounds. I haven’t cut my hair in almost 2 years because I have lived through weight loss hell (see previous fat to fit posts).
I am a failure at losing weight… that’s why I have on this hat!
WHEW! That’s a lot of stuff behind the simple act of wearing a hat. However, I think it rings true for a lot of things in life… we never know what people are going through. While I know that I’m not losing my son and I know that I’m not a failure, in that moment that is what my hat represented. It represented where I was on my journey. I plan to try and remember this moment and embrace the lesson of grace I learned. I hope that in the future I try to see things more from other people’s point of view. I also learned to not ever wear a hat again!